I'm sure the children are on the ways to -- or already have -- realized that their parent doesn't love them. They didn't ask to be born. Bingo! But honestly, the guilt was overshadowed by a colossal sense of disappointment. I called it her Rain Man act. ... Im sure you love your daughter otherwise you wouldn't go on here looking for help. At a birthday party, when she walked away from the parachute game the other kids were playing, I said, "There she goes again, being antisocial." No matter how well you act, you are going to slip up. I canceled the appointment. They probably never have been depressed. After all, he has accepted her as is all along. To me, she was hopelessly incapable of being normal. I wonder if OP is in the military. A few days later, I found her poring over a Mini Boden catalog. The reason I gave you my story, is because as a father, Your kids well being are important to me. I just have no love for them, and I never have. I do have a heart that longs to be loved but I can't allow it. We have 4 children aged 9 to 15 and he's left me. A person who is happy and in love is a person who will wonder how they were able to meet a person so perfect for them. This is an incredibly tough one... Fucked up, is kind of the mildest way to explain the situation. We were mostly civil to each other after I temporarily moved home from college, partly due to me growing up and moving past my hot-headed teenaged years. And I continued to feel exasperated and annoyed. Almost never. I don't feel this way about other people. Even when I tried to help her — by going over the moves that tripped her up in dance class and urging her to stop transferring her boogers from nose to mouth — I only did so because I wanted her to be accepted and liked, which was my agenda, not hers. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io, 60 Things You Should Never, Ever Say to Children, What Parents Say Their Kids Miss Most About School, How To Help Kids With Challenges at School, Life Really Changed When I Became an Empty Nester, 9 Things Fatherhood Has Taught Me About Manhood, 20 Gifts for New Parents They'll Appreciate. From a legal standard, OP is less than four years away from being done with this parenting thing forever. I won't get into details but basically her moral compass (and everything that depends on it) is counter intuitive but logical in its own way and has it's own pros and cons. I asked what she meant. Agreed. I don't particularly wish them success or happiness, any more than I wish that for a stranger. I might have thought I was lacking a maternal instinct, but when my second daughter was born, I was blown away by overwhelming Mommy Love. People were using drugs there and I was definitely falling back into old behaviors. I don't believe that your daughters don't love you anymore. Respect? As the daughter of a local politician, I was expected to be a role model — to dress appropriately, smile and make small talk, write thoughtful thank-you notes. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Answer Save. Why couldn't Sophie? If they do, nobody ever says. This place helped her tons. I don't love them anymore - I feel they are talking up all my time and they are so bothersome! It's a natural progression, and the timing sucks. You've just described every single feeling my father had towards me before I moved out. Hope some of that helps in some way. I am diagnosed with CPTSD, among others. It might not be the most wholesome or financially sustainable hobby, but we needed to start somewhere. Then guilt. I'm not saying that this will lead to some profound appreciation for them, but it should at least help put your feelings into perspective. I’ve fallen out of love with them. When I … At the prompting of our pediatrician, who was concerned about Sophie's sluggish growth, she was tested and diagnosed with a growth hormone deficiency that had slowed her development across the board since birth. It's not like you can hide that something's wrong. And deep down, I was ashamed of how easily I had betrayed my own daughter. But when it comes to my kids, I feel nothing. Not that I don't love my child - just that it gets lost in the day-to-day madness sometimes. She felt I wasn't attuned to Sophie's vulnerabilities — she's a sensitive soul; I'm a bull-in-a-china-shop type. This is so obvious to me. There just must be something about the situation that turns off your feelings towards them, and the only way to ever get over it is to get help. I don't want bad things to happen to them, but I also don't care if good things happen to them. But what if you don't? I had a friend who had similar issues, but she was the child. As a parent, it's hard to watch your child, this tiny creature you love more than yourself, struggle and remove herself from the group; harder still when you're a parent with a personality like Jenny's. They try to cheer me up if I'm down, they want my attention and advice, they do homemade father's day cards, that kind of thing. Her speech, motor skills, and social maturation were three years behind schedule. Redbook participates in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may get paid commissions on editorially chosen products purchased through our links to retailer sites. We discover that problem-solving, or fear of not looking capable, is difficult for her, and lying is a go-to coping mechanism. I knew I was being hard on her, but I couldn't seem to stop. I have no advice, but I hope you can find what you are looking for, and that you and your kids can cope well in the meantime. We may earn money from the links on this page. I do all the things you would expect. And I was a natural. Favorite Answer. NC because this is so terrible, I know it is. Why Don’t I Love My Child? Like I have two kids but I don't see them as them holding me back (eventhough it's just hard in general to work and go to school ) I love them and wouldn't go back and nit have them. One of them is that your child will teach you how to be the parent they need — if you're willing to listen. Over there!" Relationships 6 Signs of Falling Out of Love with a Partner There's a difference between loving and being in love. She couldn't—or wouldn't— answer direct questions. As long as I wanted her to be someone she could never be, I was setting her up to fail, in my eyes, every single day. As for if they love me, that's harder to answer. As you can probably imagine, I felt guilty that I was basically repelled by my own child. It stings when your child says they don’t love you, doesn’t it? I get very little in the way of good feelins from them. Instead, she takes running leaps into my arms, her strong legs squeezing my middle in her signature "cobra hug." We shared a love of shopping! There's no way we couldn't. I know there's something horribly wrong with me, so please - you don't have to be kind, but please bear in mind I don't know if I can go on like this anymore. Considering he's felt like this for their whole lives..Im thinking its a little more complex than just taking some space :(. Forget these people that say your crazy! A few minutes later I went to check on him and he said “you don’t love me anymore.” Do they show you love? But no luck. Then hope — help is on the way! This happened night after night. The search to find something wrong was her quest for an instruction booklet. A few months later, when Sophie drew a unicorn on a piece of construction paper and said she wanted to use it for her birthday party invitation, I resisted the temptation to hide it in the garbage and order glossy invites instead. My mother used to say, "Nothing succeeds like success," and I stepped up. "She's just kind of — off ," she said. "She's acutely sensitive — you whisper, and for her it's like a megaphone." Here's what he'd like you to know about the woman behind those words. Soldiers coming home and finding themselves unable to emotionally attach to their family is practically a trope. It was the kind of love that says: “My child, you don’t have to run anymore.” I remember one of the most terrifying moments in my new life was when I transitioned out of RSU and into a program on Buford Hwy. Whether I've finally learned to be a good parent to Sophie — or in spite of the fact that I haven't — my now-9-year-old is in a pretty good place. The first thing I had to do, said the psychologist, was identify my expectations of Sophie so I could understand whether they were realistic or un- achievable. One of the most common phrases my wife Ashley and I hear when talking with married couples who are facing struggles, boredom, the aftermath of infidelity or any other type of challenge in marriage is something like, “I just don’t feel the same anymore. I remember thinking "I've made a terrible mistake. There's an upside even, in that I've picked up some of her intellectual empathy, which can sometimes give me perspective alongside the normal emotional empathy. It's a great thing that you're invested in your children's lives even out of obligation. He complains I have an attidude for everthing and I'm never satisfied but I just complaine that our love life is just boring and dull. He really tried, but in the end it just wasn't enough to sustain a marriage. They are my universe! I'm naturally an introvert, and need time alone to sort my thoughts and relax. I don't feel this way about other people. Are you the mom or the dad? Hi i'm 35. my husband totally devestated me my saying he didn't love me anymore . He was the main breadwinner and worked all hours. Favorite Answer. I don't feel any pride when they do something like get good grades or overcome an obstacle. Press J to jump to the feed. He knows he has no empathy, and he actively works on compensating for that with his intellect (he is a very smart man). I thought, Whoa! This isn't the only place that does it, just a place to give you an idea of what they're like. There are many mothers who would find this tedious and depressing and who need to be away from their children for times doing other things, working and enjoying other non child activities. Why don't I love my children anymore. I read about other parents who don’t want to parent anymore and then I don’t feel so bad or alone. A person can't force emotion on themselves. But not for Jennifer Rabiner*. They probably never have been depressed. Posted Mar 02, 2018 You’re about to go bed, and you look one last time at your sleeping child… the one you can’t love. Your interaction with them (or lack of) has shaped them into who they are. I needed to stop seeing what Sophie was not and start seeing what she was. I know he will do the best he can for our son. You mentioned that you resent them and listed their shortcomings, which is understandable. If I complain about his needless anger, all he will say is, "there is the door, you can leave me anytime, it is Ok with me". We fight alot about really stupit things. That person isn't just another fling—they could be the one for life!. It does not mean they don't love their children. Hopefully they have access to therapy because they'll almost certainly need it. I felt guilty that I was basically repelled by my own child. A dark cloud shadowed my heart. I heard an interview recently with an Iraqi commander (it was on NYT's The Daily) where he said that he felt more like a family with his soldiers than with, y'know, his actual family. This. Who wouldn't? It's not of hate nor love, but sheer indifference and I'm fine with that. If you are feeling depressed, it is happening while your adolescents are starting to move away from their parents. It got to the point where I viewed Sophie's every move through a lens of failure. But she does put work and thought into parenting, and that's been really important for my development. I agree with Pussin - you do sound depressed. I'd maybe look into a program to get you some time by yourself, so you can go to therapy and spend time working on yourself. Hurts herself, perhaps out of anxiety (used to tear out clumps of hair, then began scratching herself). He was the main breadwinner and worked all hours. Then I’m ready to put on my “big girl pants” on. My husband is cautiously optimistic about the treatment (nightly hormone shots) but concerned about possible side effects. It's unfair to the children to have a parent that's emotionally distant and nonchalant like this. That constant thought in my mind terrified me. Where? We have been married 18 years. But something is wrong with my child, I kept thinking. Reblogged this on Hope For Hurting Parents and commented: This is a wonderful and insightful blog and not just for parents of teens. You have the capability of loving people, you said so yourself. Answer Save. She'd climb to the top of the slide and then cry to be rescued. There are many ways to be a mother. When I had PND (with both my DDs) I felt very much like you have described. I took notes. I'd say they show me love as much as they show it to their mother, who definitely does love them. My mom never said it but they way she talks to me about my own kids makes me think she never wanted kids. If this is the case, try to remember that it’s the behavior you You don’t necessarily have to work with an agency for this path. What a wake-up call. What to do when your child says you don’t love them. I would say, contrary to what some others have said, that it's important to be honest with your kids about your feelings. I've got a prison sentence". Now George plays his: "I don't give a fuck that Auntie died." I cant get my head round it....I would never dream of telling my kids I dont love them anymore. You can get advice on potty training, talk about breastfeeding, discuss how to get your baby to sleep or ask if that one weird thing your kid does is normal. You say you don't have bad feelings towards them, and then you go on to say you resent them. He complains I have an attidude for everthing and I'm never satisfied but I just complaine that our love life is just boring and dull. At birth, Sophie was skinny and weak. It would be cruel and unfair to have to live with those words for their lives. Sure. I was struggling in my marriage and frustrated with the way life was going. Holding them responsible for who they are and how they act is ok. What you might want to give some thought to is your role in their existence and personalities. Then, a few days later, we got a yer from Sophie's preschool. I am sure it meant the world for him too. she asked. Growing up, I had hoped to someday have a daughter, and I had a clear vision of what she would be like: vivacious, spunky, and whip-smart, socially savvy and self-assured. Now I don’t feel I can talk to you anymore.” ... maybe going to counseling together and being really insistent about your need to spend some time alone doing things you love. The hormone shots have delivered positive effects beyond inches and pounds. I wonder if maybe you're not taking enough time for yourself, so you can recharge. 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